she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
