HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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