Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
