Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
