So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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