D3 body, D1 cock
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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