Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
