She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
