he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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