4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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