not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Dick very happy bro
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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