be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
