this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
