At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
