This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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