i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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