She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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