you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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