It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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