Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize