My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
