The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
