vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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