I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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