Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
