you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
and you said cock pushups were impossible
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
