Welp...herpes.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
