So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize