i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
