dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
