I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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