I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
