Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
