I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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