I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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