you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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