bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
