Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
jump out the window naked night went bad
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