I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
