Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I can't put those talents on a resume
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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