LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
