So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
