i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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