after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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