That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
