In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
