nut hugger
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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