Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
