I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
