How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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