this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
