Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
