are you still at the devil's house?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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