I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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