Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
