This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
