I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize