He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
