no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i need some magic done to my vagina
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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