She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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