why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
