I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
