i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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