Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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