They should really pass out barf bags in church
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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