I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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