After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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