Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize