What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
