I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
