There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
