Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
