My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
