why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
