when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
