Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize