"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
