dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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