One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
