Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
