Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She's the barista slut.
I will be naked everywhere
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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