I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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