note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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