Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize