I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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