She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
