Your tits are I can't wait for
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
if only i could text you this smell
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
