the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
