My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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