omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
