he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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