she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize