It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
