I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
