Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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