i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
