I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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